John Prescott, many thanks.

This is very old news (by very old, I mean over a year old), but I only just came across and it seemed noteworthy.

The UK currently has no official post of Deputy Prime Minister (a large, red notice on the website of the office of the Deputy Prime Minister proclaims that the site is only being maintained for “archival/historical purposes”). The previous owner of the title was John Prescott MP. I recently read a transcript of an interview he took part in on the Today programme on BBC Radio 4 (from which the quotes which follow are sourced). Political sketch-writers have often ridiculed Prescott’s unique manner of speech, but this real example of his eloquence and verbal dexterity does, to my mind, render satire unnecessary. For example, the following question posed by John Humpreys:

“Why did you say you had made a donation to charity out of your own money when in fact the donation to charity was made out of government money?” Source: BBC

elicited a response from John Prescott which included the following:

“I didn’t know until later that the payment of it – and I always thought it was public payment – had done by arrangement of a payment to charity ‘cos they didn’t want to receive a payment.” Source: BBC

An interesting, if incomprehensible, answer. No surprise, then, that Gordon Brown chose not to keep him on as deputy leader. Incidentally, the BBC (reliably impartial and consistently highbrow) put together, in 2003, a short summary of John Prescott’s most memorable gaffes (sadly, too old to include the American ranch debacle).

QED

I think any unfortunate readers of this blog may deserve a brief reprieve from the rant-centred discourses of late. So, now for something positive. Umm. Well. That might present a bit of a problem. What I have learned about life so far would lead me to believe that the fact that we all now live under the constant threat of terrorism, rising sea levels and Alastair Campbell’s television appearences is enough to make even the most ardent optimist a little gloomy. However, since blogging is often seen as a groundbreaking medium, it calls for groundbreaking thinking. Thus, I, Jacob Butler, shall now attempt the seemingly impossible: a blog post which is nearly or entirely positive.

I suppose it’s nice that I’ve finally finished school for this academic year. The year was rounded of in a classically pointless, excuse me, productive, fashion with a mandatory ‘fun day’. It seems, to me at least, contradictory that the definition of ‘fun’ is predetermined and that it is compulsory. In any case, I did not particularly mind. The really worthwhile parts of the day were recieving my end of year report and also noting, with amusement, the number of teachers who have decided they can stand our school no longer and are leaving. What was even more telling was that a number of them had only been at the school for a single year, and some not much more than that. It should be interesting to see how long the teachers replacing them will last.

So there it is. A full paragraph composed of mostly positive statements and barely a hint of negativity. And the obvious and enlightening fact we learn from this? That the one thing more dull than either incessent optimism or a discussion of my school life is a incessantly optimistic discussion of my school life. QED.

Breaking News: Black Eyed Peas confirm that climate change is real

I saw something very disturbing on the television today. No, it wasn’t the return of ‘Strictly Come Dancing’, or indeed the Eastenders omnibus. It was the televised broadcast of two of the ‘Live Earth’ concerts.

The two crimes against music I happened to chance upon were the recidivist producers of noise (the scientific definition of which is ‘unwanted sound’), the Black Eyed Peas, and the frankly abominable Snoop Dogg. Simply put, what I find so troubling about them “answering the call” is that the meagre murmuring of their words is drowned out by the deafening reality of their actions. How Snoop Dogg represents an iconic figure in the fight against climate change is beyond me, and the Black Eyed Peas’ songs are, aside from ‘Where Is The Love’ which said nothing we don’t know already, very trivial. These so-called artists’ pretense that they are environmentally aware represents a blatant commercialization of an issue of colossal importance, since the artists in question will be able to flaunt their ‘global awareness’ as part of their brand identity. To me, this thoroughly loathsome.

I do not pretend to be perfect when it comes to climate change. However, the last thing we need now is for people chasing money to jump on a bandwagon for which there is already a surplus of empty words. Then again, if the situation is so bad that the world’s politicians are resorting to Snoop Dogg to warn the rest of us of our impending doom, then we might as well give up now and let the end come, since that kind of world probably isn’t worth saving.

"Full of sound and fury, signifying nothing"

I like to think that I have a relatively varied taste in music. I feel that I cannot rule out a particular genre and all artists which belong to it, preferring to decide whether I like each artist individually. However, I have found, lately, that I am becoming increasingly disillusioned by what one could refer to as ‘mainstream popular music’. Let us take for example, the linguistic genius that is 50 Cent. Whilst it should be noted that I have not digested the complete works of said virtuoso, I have been lead to believe from watching music television (an unhealthy habit which I no longer engage in for the sake of my mental stability) that most of his work revolves around various different ways of saying “Yeah. I’m really powerful. Look at me. I’m better than you” (granted, I am paraphrasing at this point). I cannot get my head round how this is enlightening in any way. There is always the danger, though, that I have missed something major regarding the hidden meaning of his lyrics and that his rapping is really about the comparative futility of attempting to dismantle established and insurmountable class barriers in a modern capitalist society (but I rather doubt this, since that last phrase made almost no sense). I suppose what really bothers me (and of course, this has been said before) is that the whole point of music as a creative, expressive art, is lost sight of and it merely forms the driving force of a money-making machine. It is most likely this sentiment which is one of the reasons why I am such a fan of bands like 65daysofstatic (www.65daysofstatic.com) which are just about as far from being a manufactured brand as you can get. Of course, there are many artists who make meaningful music and are also incredibly popular. It is simply a shame that some artists can put no thought into what they are doing and sell huge numbers of records.

Talking of things which are inflated out of all proportion by media hype, the iPhone was released to the public yesterday, and it is here that my blatant bias comes into play (or, at least, becomes glaringly obvious). Despite criticism concerning their environmental record, monopolistic practices, and over-pricing, I cannot help but love the products that Apple makes. They seem to have managed to perfectly combine stunning design with ease of use. Basically, when you buy something from them, “it just works” (well, most of the time, anyway). I could harp on all day about the joys of using Apple gadgets, but that would no doubt send this blog to as yet unfathomed depths of dullness, so, on second thoughts, I won’t bother.